When someone (including me) makes a mistake or does something wrong, I like to say that the most important verse in the Bible is: “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.” (Matthew 5:7).

Nevertheless, we must resist those who deceive, abuse, manipulate, or exploit people by misusing the word “forgive”.

How can we tell the difference between a sincere request to be forgiven and a hypocritical misuse of the word “forgive” to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or exploit people?

In a sincere request to be forgiven, people who made a mistake or did something wrong, humbly say to anyone who they hurt: “PLEASE forgive me”. Then, they “repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds. (Acts 26:20) (emphasis added).

The word “repent” means to change. People who hurt others need to change—both if they intended to hurt other people or if their negligence hurt other people.

The way that they change needs to be motivated by them turning to God.

People who turn to God will want to follow this command from Jesus: “[i]n everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the [ideals of the] Law [of Moses] and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12).

People who humbly, sincerely ask to be forgiven will be willing to change their ways so that they never hurt anyone again.

Those who intentionally deceived, abused, manipulated, or exploited people will voluntarily avoid roles where they might deceive, abuse, manipulate, or exploit people—roles such as privately teaching or counseling people.

Intentional wrongdoers and negligent wrongdoers will voluntarily do their best to heal the hurt they caused. (Exodus 21:18-22:17; Luke 19:1-10).

In contrast, we must beware of people who do not humbly, sincerely ask to be forgiven—people who do not “repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.” (Acts 26:20) (emphasis added).

Such hypocrites proudly insist:  “You MUST forgive ME!”.

By demanding that YOU must forgive ME, hypocrites are demanding that they be allowed to remain in the role that empowered them to hurt people—a role that will empower them to continue to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or exploit people.

Instead of doing their best to heal the hurt they caused, hypocrites want to be able to continue to hurt people in the same way.

One example of people who misuse the word “forgive” is priests and pastors who insist that—despite their previous deceit, abuse, manipulation, or exploitation of people—they MUST be allowed to continue their priestly and pastoral duties.

If we don’t allow them to continue their priestly or pastoral duties, then these hypocrites condemn us for not forgiving them.

The issue is not forgiving the hypocrites. The issue is protecting people from deceit, abuse, manipulation, and exploitation!

People who deceived, abused, manipulated, or exploited people in the past, need to change their behavior so that they are no longer in a position to continue to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or exploit people any more.

In the case of priests and pastors who engage in such conduct, the only way to end their deception is to tell the truth to the entire church. Where applicable, the police must be told. Of course, identifying details may need to be kept confidential, especially if children were sexually abused.

Furthermore, the priests and pastors must never again be allowed to perform roles that empower them to deceive, abuse, manipulate, and exploit people.  This includes being excluded from roles as lay people if they privately teach or counsel people, especially children.

These restrictions are not a question of people in the church and law enforcement forgiving or not forgiving. These restrictions are a question of what is necessary and desirable to protect people from deception, abuse, manipulation, and exploitation.

Furthermore, a priest or pastor who is truly sorry for deceiving, abusing, manipulating, or exploiting people will voluntarily and eagerly accept such disclosures and restrictions because they will want to “demonstrate their repentance by their deeds” (Acts 26:20).

For example, Zacchaeus was a wealthy tax collector who had been exploiting people for years. When Zacchaeus repented in front of a large crowd, he told Jesus: “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” (Luke 19:8).

There can be no doubt that Zacchaeus repented, turned to God, and demonstrated his repentance by his deeds.

Zacchaeus is a role model—approved by Jesus himself—for how anyone who deceived, abused, manipulated, or exploited people needs to repent, turn to God, and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds. (Luke 19:9-10).

Any priest or pastor who has deceived, abused, manipulated, or exploited people has been a bad shepherd. If they do not voluntarily demonstrate their repentance by deeds that heal their victims and prevent future misconduct, we must do whatever is necessary and desirable to heal their victims and prevent future misconduct.

As good shepherds of the sheep, we must do all in our power to protect people from these bad shepherds of the sheep.

We must do all in our power to protect people from these “wolves” who attack them. (John 10:12).

We must do all in our power to protect people from these ”thieves” who “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10).

We must do all in our power to be like our Good Shepherd Jesus, empowering people to enjoy their lives to the full! (John 10:10).

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To learn more about good shepherds and bad shepherds, please read my blog “Timothy: A Good Shepherd”.