When I worked in a large stockroom during college, I often heard the following joke.

One person would complain: “I’m working hard!”.

Another person replied: “Working hard? Or hardly working?”

I chuckled the first few times I heard this witty reply.

But it soon became such a stale joke that we groaned more than we chuckled.

Nevertheless, I learned an important lesson from this joke.

Our boss had recently been promoted from the ranks of us “worker bees”.

This joking banter led to a totally different reaction when our new boss entered into it.

Our boss would ask us, “How’s it going?”.

As the sweat poured down our faces, we’d sincerely tell him: “We’re working hard!”.

He’d reply: “Working hard? Or hardly working?”

We felt that this “joke” was an offensive insult.

If we were being fair, we understood that our boss wasn’t trying to be offensive or to insult us.

Our boss was trying to be friendly.

Our boss was trying to joke around with us the way he used to joke around when he himself was one of us “worker bees”.

But he wasn’t a “worker bee” anymore. So we couldn’t help feeling offended and insulted.

How dare our boss dare to question whether we were working hard?

We were sweating in our work clothes. (The stockroom wasn’t air conditioned and it was summer.)

Our boss spent most of his time in air conditioning. He wore a tie!

Ever since then, I’ve been sensitive to this truth.

You may think you’re saying something funny. Something friendly.

You may think you’re doing something good. Something friendly.

But it can come across completely differently to those on the receiving end of your “jokes” and “good deeds”.

People who aren’t bosses.

People who sweat for a living.

People who don’t wear ties.

People who—for whatever reason, including ethnicity, gender, religion, or nationality—don’t share your power or status.

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For related thoughts, please read my blogs “Sunglasses of Prejudices”, “Parking Cars” and “Speaking Up”.