Wisdom of History

Confusing Being-Fit With Being-Forgiven

A wise, tactful choir director will speak privately to a tone deaf person to explain why they are unfit to sing in the choir. Tragically, if the choir director fails to tell the tone deaf person “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), then the person’s unfitness will become obvious publicly in front of the entire congregation. At this point, a well- intentioned, but mistaken, choir director might say, “We must forgive this tone deaf person so they can keep singing with us! Why? Because Jesus told Peter that we must not merely forgive someone seven times, but seventy-seventy times!” (Matthew 18:21-22). This choir director has confused being fit to sing in the choir with being forgiven for singing terribly. By all means, the unfit singer must be forgiven. No one should keep reminding them of how terribly they sang. But our forgiving spirit does not solve the problem that the person is unfit to sing.

There is often confusion between being fit and being forgiven.

In particular, people who are unfit to do something will sometimes claim that they must be allowed to do it because they must be forgiven.

They confuse being fit with being forgiven.

Let’s illustrate this confusion by considering the problem of someone who wants to sing in the church choir, but they are totally tone deaf!

Ideally, even before this unfit person comes to their first rehearsal, a choir director (or a choir member who has suffered through this person singing in a pew near them!) will discern that this person is not fit to sing in the choir.

Note that the person’s fitness to sing has nothing to do with forgiveness. Indeed, at this point, there is nothing to forgive because, so far, the unfit person has not inflicted their terrible singing on our ears!

If this person starts coming to choir rehearsals, it will quickly be obvious that he or she is unfit.

At this point, a wise, tactful choir director will speak privately to the person to explain why they are unfit.

Tragically, if the choir director fails to tell the person “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), then the person’s unfitness will become obvious publicly in front of the entire congregation.

At this point, a well-intentioned, but mistaken, choir director might say, “We must forgive this tone deaf person so they can keep singing with us! Why? Because Jesus told Peter that we must not merely forgive someone seven times, but seventy-seventy times!” (Matthew 18:21-22).

This choir director has confused being fit to sing in the choir with being forgiven for singing terribly.

By all means, the unfit singer must be forgiven. No one should keep reminding them of how terribly they sang.

But our forgiving spirit does not solve the problem that the person is unfit to sing.

Of course, the choir director must discern the difference between a person who merely needs training and mentoring, and a person who is unfit for singing.

Such an unfit wannabe singer is as totally tone deaf as Ulysses S. Grant was. As a General and as a President, tone deaf Grant suffered through innumerable performances by military bands. He supposedly joked that he knew only two tunes: “Yankee Doodle. And the other one!”.

In such cases of unfitness, a wise choir director may discern a role in the music program where it is unnecessary to discern tones. For example, a tone deaf person could ring bells in the bell choir, play a keyboard instrument such as a piano or organ, or play percussion instruments such as drums and cymbals.

If the person is totally unfit for any musical role (perhaps they can neither sing the note nor keep the rhythm), then no amount of training or mentoring can help this forgiven and beloved person who totally lacks the gifts for making music.

A wise choir director and a wise pastor will determine the person’s fitness for a non-musical role without being deflected by requests to forgive the unfit person seventy-seven times.

Instead, a wise pastor will discern a different role at church for which the forgiven and beloved person is well-gifted.

As Paul wrote:

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage; then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously, if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” (Romans 12:6-8).

Tragically, the church is plagued with far more serious problems than unfit singers.

These problems will not be solved by well-meaning or naive people who mistakenly believe that when we truly forgive someone this means they are fit to resume a role for which they are unfit.

Two highly publicized problems in churches that immediately come to mind are sexual abuse and greed.

We are astounded and grieved at how often churches and church leaders overlook unfitness in church leaders who sexually abuse their victims, including young children  and minors.

We are astounded and grieved at how often churches and church leaders overlook unfitness in church leaders who greedily misuse church moneys. Sometimes this misuse takes place in plain sight through lavish lifestyles. Sometimes this misuse takes place in secret through embezzlement of funds.

Often, people (including unrepentant perpetrators!) justify overlooking such unfitness by saying that Jesus commanded us to forgive seventy-seven times.

When it comes to extending mercy by forgiving them, we should show mercy cheerfully (if their sincere repentance manifests itself in words and deeds).

But when it comes to leading wisely by determining fitness, we must be diligent! We must keep bad shepherds and wolves-in-sheep’s clothing from preying upon innocent victims.

We need to use our gifts of encouragement to help forgiven and beloved people to discern their gifts such as serving, teaching and giving, but only in roles and settings in which they cannot misuse people sexually or misuse church funds.

Indeed, I prophesy that these problems will never be solved until we stop confusing being fit with being forgiven

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For related issues, please read my blogs “Abusing People With the Word ‘Forgive’”, “Timothy: A Good Shepherd”, “Timothy: A Good Team Player”, “Timothy: A Good Teacher”, and “Grace and Peace—Titus”.